People know of secret lovers, but they are maybe not as familiar with secret students. The student unabashedly needs what is offered to be a secret teaching because this student is in deep awe of the teacher’s life work which speaks directly to the student’s soul, so there must be privacy.
Privacy was needed for my growth because I needed a sense of safety around what is being so vehemently protected, a deep vow to follow my authentic destiny. And, if I was so lucky, I too would have a chance to fully bloom my inner creator.
I find it necessary to write these words now because I understand after all of these years of initially discovering your work that what happened to me was an ignition, some spark which awakened me.
I am eternally grateful that you were so bold to allow life to flow through you, make the things you have, and teach what was most authentic to you. Something in your body, voice, and eyes spoke deeply to me and I knew instantaneously that I had found my path. I know that something deep in your soul recognized what was happening to me, because I am sure it happened in a similar way to you. You also knew you were not supposed to be around for my long journey ahead. I was so embarrassed to have wanted your approval so much and was deeply intimidated by you.
Time has shown me that I was only fearful of fear itself and what I needed to do was fully land in trusting myself. So now I can come to you with clean hands and fully own all of the fear that came up for me when I was physically present as your student.
Those times are caught in the web of memory and transcend all time and space to arrive here with me now. I love the student I was and the student I am now. I love that I was able to take notice of you and in turn, see myself reflected in you. I love that I am capable of feeling passionate and taking bold action with failing and successful outcomes and not knowing where the hell I will land even though I can be scared to my core.
I now see clearly that you sparked in me a great fire, a great passion to live my life to the fullest and find out my own particular destiny and grow in unlimited ways. Like a shooting star, you were my hope that all of my dreams could come true and I would realize ALL of me in deep love and reverence... eventually.
So as I sit here, I am at home in my heart and know that I have been building my life from the ground up, brick by brick. I am building a home that can stand in full integrity and withstand the challenges that rise up against my structure, bending and reshaping it for what is needed.
At home I can lie my head down softly and gently embrace my own face and deeply move into the awe of simply being alive and what the universe has given me. Mentor, I will love you forever for what you have given me and how you shined the way. My heart swells to know that you did your part and now I can do mine.
With deep bow and eternal love,
March 27, 2021